Nickerson

A particularly admirable entry from Il Cocko grande this one - difficult to imagine a grown man being any more childish than this cocking colleague on this ocassion!

The charm of christmas shopping

Celebrate big bras

The Sun is getting too easy a resource Malc - we might have to ban you in order to encourage you to get out more!

Neither cock nor fanny

Il Cocko Grande deserves to be ridiculed for this misspelt, low quality attempt to get his hit rate back up to his normal standard.

Forward your abuse of his pathetic efforts to me and I will make sure he gets it with both barrells.

Il Cocko Titchio

doo doo du du

Malc enjoying the high culture presented by The Sun - the best friend in the media of cockers everywhere!

Gaylord's

Malc hitting a run of form here with another gaylord entry. The umpires are checking whether he did actually go all the way to Nepal to find the gaylord ice-cream submitted earlier. There may be a spectacular qualification in the offing!

"Bogof!"

A comedy slurry tanker

Presumably they discounted the first suggestion - "a wagon full of shit and piss"

All Fours Cough syrup

Get some All Fours down your neck - that should take your mind off your cough. Found by Shaun in his Grandad's medicine cupboard. It looks like it has been there quite some time. Either Shaun's Grandad is fit and healthy, or All Fours is no good at all for a chesty cough!

Paint your Beaver

Another great submission from Shaun, who has had a busy cuople of days! "Can I procure a tin of Beaver please Mr Shopkeeper?" "Of course son, but we only sell Beaver 5 litres at a time - can you handle that much Beaver?"

Italian girl who does not fart

Tim brought this latin oddity back from his latest jolly to Milan. From onw on he will only answer to his new cocking pseudonym "Il Cocko Grande"!

Not Captain James Cock

Ian B deserving this special not called cock entry to celebrate his recent cocking exploits in Whitby. But you know better Ian than to try and con and old cocker like me into thinking you had an extra cock to your name!

Keep up the good work and cock of the month will one day be yours!

Prince Albert apples

Ian B taking advantage of the Whitby agricultural show's apple harvest in order to provide material for school children to snicker about. Well done Ian - you are our most valuable secret weapon in the campaign for cock!

Nepalese Gaylord Ice Cream

Malc from Skipton went all the way to Kathmandu to buy himself a listeria ridden ice cream from this rusty, weather beaten street vending stall. You could have got food poisoning much more cheaply Malc, by eating all the stale crumbs you find down the side of the sofa!

Great bit of work and welcome to the community of cocking colleagues. Keep your eyes peeled for a Kathmandunian Cock to grace the main parts of the site.

Cocking update: following a random cock test by the cocking stewards, this entry is now re-attributed to Rick, Malc's mate who is on a round the world trip. Malc receives our thanks for his cooperation with the test - he knows that the cocking standards have to be maintained!

CUM number plates

Petrobras

Spotted on the side of the Williams Formula 1 team lorry on the M4. Sponsored bras - whatever will they think of next!

A dictionary of bras

Prepositions not allowed

Sorry Sara, but this is one of the most desperate attempts yet! Lucky to have even got onto not called cock to be honest. I only published it so your fellow cocking colleague could mock you!

A self portrait from Tim

Swankier holidays

Accredited to Cocking Colleague Caroline - found on the platform at Embankment Tube in London. A holiday advert of some sort with a tramp almost obscuring the capture.

Wanko!

Globetrotting Professor Neville's first entry - another new cocking colleague to swell the ranks. This is a fantastic international entry - a clothes shop in Singapore. What has the shifty looking man outside the shop just been doing - he looks a bit drained to me?

Obi-wank-enobi

Personnaly, I felt that George Lucas's entire six film bore fest was a complete load of w**k - not just Ewan McGregor's rather bored pay-cheque performance as the Jedi master doo-da.

Warning Groyne!

Battie the batio; died on our patio

Fell from our roof and was mistaken for a piece of moss. Is battie the bat dead Daddy? Think so son, its got rigor mortis........

In the words of Leslie Nielsen.........

Swank Hair Salon

Somewhere in Keighley judging by the phone number - give them a call and ask them what's on offer! What were they thinking?

Dale Fuchs

Looks like Tim has been gorging himself on culture from The Guardian again. Snob.

TWAT from series 2 of Banzai

This was one of the other two options for the pretty synchronised swimmer ladies to spell out......

Cumnor

On the A420 again between Oxford and Swindon - only mildly amusing and probably worthy of deletion on those grounds?

Too many vindaloos can lead to........

In the centre of Launceston - taken during Wrigglesworth's recent antipodean tour.

Batty Bar

This one caused enormous "Ali G-related" hilarity form the British contingent - the locals in Launceston had no idea at all why it was even remotely entertaining.

Hooker

Another in Launceston........

Holy Sheet!

The Tasmanian sense of silliness shining through on this one!

Weed on

Launceston high street - a rich source of things that weren't called cock.

Lord of the Fries

I think this was in Melbourne - just about the only place open on a cold Sunday bank holiday weekend.

Fook me - it's Hong Kong!

How much? You've got to be kidding........

Some people passing through Heathrow really mustn't have got the hang of currency conversion; either that or they are rich and stupid enough to spend 10 grand on some anaesthetic. Pillocks!

No, you are a prize f*c*wit

On the side of leisure world in Colchester. What a dope - surprised they could find the right end of the spray can.....

Squirry the squirrel

Is Squirry the squirrel dead Daddy?

In your dreams chipolata boy!

Can't remember where this was - somewhere in Kent?

Local Charity

Tosser!

In the main car park on West Mersea, Essex. What's a tosser Daddy?

Superscrews

Homebase

Sexton contracting

On Lexden Road near the ambulance station in Colchester

Prince Albert Road

West Mersea Essex.

Oops!

On the promenade at Brightlingsea, Essex. Still my favourite not called cock entry.